Comments on: http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 09:02:55 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.1 by: Ann http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-17424 Sat, 21 Jul 2007 15:40:35 +0000 http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-17424 Sexuality education this is very important for men and for women too. Sexuality education this is very important for men and for women too.

]]> by: Sis http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-16999 Sun, 15 Jul 2007 20:40:01 +0000 http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-16999 RSVP Heather? RSVP Heather?

]]> by: HelloWorld http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-8989 Sat, 28 Apr 2007 12:32:12 +0000 http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-8989 Peace people We love you Peace people

We love you

]]> by: caro http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-7656 Thu, 05 Apr 2007 19:40:02 +0000 http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-7656 thank you for this post, heather, and for pointing me towards violets commentary as well. i've had trouble explaining to my (mostly male) colleagues at the website i work at how much the hate i encounter through commentary affects me. hell, i've had trouble myself understanding why its me, most of the time, the only high level female on the staff, who gets the insults and the threads, the 'you're such a loser, on the wrong job, no-clue-person' comments, and the announcements that i should be locked away in a certain location in our city and never be let out again. i didn't want to blame my gender, living in my little equality-bubble, but i'm starting to think it's part of it. i'm a woman, and i talk tech and net and music and about the things that i love and i'm being paid for doing it. i'm playing on 'their' turf, and they hatehatehatehate it. and me for it. what fun. like seska, i've been told to 'just grow a thicker skin' but effing hell, i don't want to. i don't want these faceless, nameless people to change me and i don't want to let these losers get me down, but they do, in some way, no, not they, their hate does. because i can't get my head around the why. i never wanted to believe it was as *easy* as the age old gender thing, but i'm afraid it is. thank you for this post, heather, and for pointing me towards violets commentary as well.

i’ve had trouble explaining to my (mostly male) colleagues at the website i work at how much the hate i encounter through commentary affects me.

hell, i’ve had trouble myself understanding why its me, most of the time, the only high level female on the staff, who gets the insults and the threads, the ‘you’re such a loser, on the wrong job, no-clue-person’ comments, and the announcements that i should be locked away in a certain location in our city and never be let out again.

i didn’t want to blame my gender, living in my little equality-bubble, but i’m starting to think it’s part of it. i’m a woman, and i talk tech and net and music and about the things that i love and i’m being paid for doing it. i’m playing on ‘their’ turf, and they hatehatehatehate it. and me for it. what fun.

like seska, i’ve been told to ‘just grow a thicker skin’ but effing hell, i don’t want to. i don’t want these faceless, nameless people to change me and i don’t want to let these losers get me down, but they do, in some way, no, not they, their hate does. because i can’t get my head around the why. i never wanted to believe it was as *easy* as the age old gender thing, but i’m afraid it is.

]]> by: mya http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-7653 Thu, 05 Apr 2007 19:09:07 +0000 http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-7653 Great post, Heather! I honestly can't say I know a woman who hasn't experienced some form of harassment (especially out in the community) while she's trying to just commute to work on her bike or just trying to take the garbage out for criminy sake! So I can imagine the kind of crap you and others like you who advocate for our sexual freedoms publicly on-line must be dealing with on a daily basis. And it's doubly scary and frustrating to have men who don't fit the typical profile of an "anti-social personality" or who aren't intellectually gifted, out there, trying to destroy you because you're not "in your place!" I told my father I was going back to school in the fall. His response, "Why don't you just be a secretary?" It's also unfortunate that your own father even if he hasn't a clue and he thinks he's giving you sound advice is feeding the beast. As I've told you before, I'd rather be expected to succeed and not expected to fail! Great post, Heather! I honestly can’t say I know a woman who hasn’t experienced some form of harassment (especially out in the community) while she’s trying to just commute to work on her bike or just trying to take the garbage out for criminy sake! So I can imagine the kind of crap you and others like you who advocate for our sexual freedoms publicly on-line must be dealing with on a daily basis. And it’s doubly scary and frustrating to have men who don’t fit the typical profile of an “anti-social personality” or who aren’t intellectually gifted, out there, trying to destroy you because you’re not “in your place!”

I told my father I was going back to school in the fall. His response, “Why don’t you just be a secretary?” It’s also unfortunate that your own father even if he hasn’t a clue and he thinks he’s giving you sound advice is feeding the beast. As I’ve told you before, I’d rather be expected to succeed and not expected to fail!

]]> by: Christopher http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-7649 Thu, 05 Apr 2007 17:06:46 +0000 http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-7649 Smart, well-written and thoughtful, as always. Also, deeply frightening how fast some of this "troll" crap can escalate into real-life terror and fear. You're an inspiration that actual people (not just imaginary superheroes;-) can be smart AND strong againist this type of bullshit, without adding to the problem in the process. Keep it up; you're the kind of real hero my daughters need as a postive force "fighting the good fight" for them (even if they don't always know it). Smart, well-written and thoughtful, as always. Also, deeply frightening how fast some of this “troll” crap can escalate into real-life terror and fear.

You’re an inspiration that actual people (not just imaginary superheroes;-) can be smart AND strong againist this type of bullshit, without adding to the problem in the process.

Keep it up; you’re the kind of real hero my daughters need as a postive force “fighting the good fight” for them (even if they don’t always know it).

]]> by: Seska http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-7646 Thu, 05 Apr 2007 15:44:09 +0000 http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-7646 As I read your post I thought about the many instances in my everyday life, in the flesh life, where I spoke up about harassment or insult and was told to grow a thicker skin, that I was scoffed at and belittled for being offended. It nearly always has been within the context of a female-male dynamic. And it frustrates me to no end. As I read your post I thought about the many instances in my everyday life, in the flesh life, where I spoke up about harassment or insult and was told to grow a thicker skin, that I was scoffed at and belittled for being offended. It nearly always has been within the context of a female-male dynamic. And it frustrates me to no end.

]]> by: Beppie http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-7622 Thu, 05 Apr 2007 01:58:40 +0000 http://www.femmerotic.com/journal/2007/04/04/our-silences-do-not-protect-us/#comment-7622 Hey Heather, amazing, brave and thought-provoking entry, which I will definitely have to come back a re-read. I don't think your choices about when to speak out about this and to whom are anything that need defending or justifying. As you say at the end of this post, there are things that all of us can do to prevent the enabling of these sorts of abuses, and the fact is that you have always worked against enabling those things, regardless of whether you've spoken out about specific instances of abuse that you have faced. If you are ready to speak out about an instance of abuse, and you feel that can be helpful in disabling other abuses, that is wondeful, brave and admirable-- but if you're not ready, then that doesn't mean you can't disable such abuses just as powerfully through other means-- and it's pretty clear to me, having known you online now for seven years (wow!) that you constantly work towards the disabling of abuse-- and that's a constant, regardless of what you feel comfortable speaking out about at any given time. Hey Heather, amazing, brave and thought-provoking entry, which I will definitely have to come back a re-read. I don’t think your choices about when to speak out about this and to whom are anything that need defending or justifying. As you say at the end of this post, there are things that all of us can do to prevent the enabling of these sorts of abuses, and the fact is that you have always worked against enabling those things, regardless of whether you’ve spoken out about specific instances of abuse that you have faced.

If you are ready to speak out about an instance of abuse, and you feel that can be helpful in disabling other abuses, that is wondeful, brave and admirable– but if you’re not ready, then that doesn’t mean you can’t disable such abuses just as powerfully through other means– and it’s pretty clear to me, having known you online now for seven years (wow!) that you constantly work towards the disabling of abuse– and that’s a constant, regardless of what you feel comfortable speaking out about at any given time.

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