Beats me. I don’t know how well I succeed, but I have tried to be that person and found it is hard to explain to the person I am with what on earth I am doing. I’ve ended up explaining more than once, “I’m just very attuned to issues of consent” in trying to make sure that the person I am with (my lover?) is making a positive choices. [Now see, that came across as paternalistic]

It’s frustrating. Not only is there not a term to cover the behavior, I don’t even think we have a well defined concept for what it is. It’s just very awkward to communicate. I often have to give a bit of my own personal history with these issues just to even explain where I’m coming from.

Flamboyant cosies and cases to the rescue!

“the antithesis of a rapist”

i sometimes talk about collaborators, but agreed, we could use a powerful, positive word.

Per your Q, in thinking on it, in situations like that for me, I was always more prone to make it active rather than give it a title, as in “we’re dating,” or “we’re sleeping together,” than to say someone is my . But then, from a personal standpoint, I often try and resist the “my ” just because it’s so tough for them not to come off as — or be internalized as? — possessive. I do like tryst.

But lover sure could be good for that if it works for you, no doubt. But in this context, I feel like we so often have lover qualified with good or bad that that also makes it problematic?