Comments on:

by: Peter

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 02:16:35 +0000

I’m ashamed to admit that I would have been hoping that the fool put a hand on me. It seems that some folks, those often who have a less than room temperature social IQ, need solid communication in order to change their long standing behavior patterns.

I know, I know - bad liberal me, no donut.

by: athena

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 03:04:03 +0000

I admit, I only read the first half of your post, concering the story (I found it via Fourth Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy), but what I read was one of those stories I know is true and yet is too difficult to really think about. I was unlucky enough to be wooed by an abusive guy, yet three months into the relationship it became apparent how life was going to be for me if I continued. It took months of restraining orders, moving, changing my class schedule and quitting my job before I could feel safe again, and this man has changed my life habits- I still deadlock the door, something I never did before. It’s a difficult and emotionally draining situation to watch, to see, in any capacity.

by: Being Amber Rhea » Blog Archive » links for 2008-06-02

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:37:44 +0000

[…] heather corinna: pure as the driven slush » Blog Archive » Yesterday at the clinic I got wedged in the middle of a client’s abusive relationship. “Instead, still trying to get us both past him and back into the clinic, I said, very firmly, ‘I don’t care. I am taking her inside where she is safe, and you need to leave.’ He then said, ‘But she’s my WIFE!’” (tags: abuse assholes health women men relationships sexism feminism) […]

by: Waking Vixen » Blog Archive » Fourth Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 08:11:00 +0000

[…] Yesterday at the clinic I got wedged in the middle of a client’s abusive relationship. When I circled around to them, greeted her by name and motioned with my arm a bit protectively around her back for us to walk back into the clinic, and we tried to go in, he stepped in front of me, as well. He stepped in front of me, arms waving as if flagging down a driver who has come to help you when your car has broken down — as if clearly, I was help en route for him — and said, “She won’t LISTEN to me!” […]

by: Heather Corinna

Sat, 31 May 2008 21:47:56 +0000

I agree that it’s important, and I’ve always acknowledged it as important over the years, generally with a more sensitive eye towards it than a lot of other writers, as a point of fact.

But while some of why I write things like this is just to express myself (and this is my life as well, so it is not as if I am basically taking someone else’s story for my own use: I’m a central figure in the story here), another reason which bears just as much weight and import is to cultivate awareness: about women, about women’s lives, about abortion, about abuse. With greater awareness of all of this, and things which help make them more tangible and real to other people, we — hopefully, ideally, and this is the aim — may help nurture positive change. I have a tough time thinking that many of our clients don’t want the kinds of shifts and changes talking about incidents like these, getting them visible in a respectful way, can potentially nurture.

I am fairly certain that when I had my abortion, at least one person in the clinic that day shared part of my experience per being the woman who did not want pain medications, as well as the woman who would not stay in her freaking cot after as she should have because she was going bed to bed to try and help the other women who were upset and wanted someone to talk to. I’m okay with that, and I’d be just as okay if someone had written about it publicly without disclosing anything about me which could identify me: after all, all of our stories are only so unique, and just like I have seen clients like this one before, I’ve seen clients like me before, too. Given, those are my feelings, and I cannot know exactly what another client may feel, but I do feel I can trust my own judgment and that it tends to be both sound and mindful.

by: M. D'

Sat, 31 May 2008 21:32:45 +0000

I didn’t mean to imply that you had done this thoughtlessly, but I do think there is an ethical question here beyond the check boxes of HIPAA, which clearly you’re not violating. I had some friends who used to ask me, when I was first working as a therapist, “what’s your craziest case?! what’s the most fucked up thing you’ve heard about?!” And I could have told them, taking out the names. There was no way they would have known my clients. And there have been times I wanted to tell friends just…interesting things my clients said. But I put myself in the clients’ shoes and thought about whether I’d want to be talked about to their friends, much less to the open wilds of the blogosphere, and I realized that beyond the privacy you invoked in the parking lot to someone who could harm your client, there’s a simple privacy that may not be life-or-death, but is still part of the contract. It’s not that what you’re writing about is sensitive; it’s that it’s someone’s life, and that person did not make a decision to have it on display. I’m sorry if the tone of my prior comment came off as too critical, but I do think this stuff is important.

by: Heather Corinna

Sat, 31 May 2008 19:16:21 +0000

M.D.: When I took this job, I made sure to have a long chat with one of our directors to ascertain how to handle this, her knowing I’m someone who is a writer and who writes about my work, and who would want to write about some of what goes on in our day. I’m supported in that by the clinic, and the idea I’d not think about any of this before writing it is….well, really insulting. I’ve been writing about sensitive issues for a very long time now.
The critical issues here are names or other personally identifying information, or which could be, which I never bring here. I am beyond within HIPAA guidelines here. I assure you that what I divulge in this way is very carefully compiled and edited: I don’t do this mindlessly. The man with that client knew her name and everything identifying about her: someone reading this does not. I’m very cautious about what I divulge here and have a keen eye on if it is in any way identifying — and I’ve always been that way with my writing period, even with people in my own personal life — and I do evaluate these things and feel that I’m within bounds. Heck, in this case, most of what I’m divulging happened outside the clinic in the parking lot, where any given bystander could have written much of what I just did.
Sylvia: thanks. And Marissa: right there with you, gal.

by: M. D'

Sat, 31 May 2008 18:56:08 +0000

I don’t mean to be preachy here, but…ok yes I do. While I’m on your side about everything of substance, you can’t seriously type “I make clear that what goes on with a client and us is private” in the course of blogging your interaction with this woman. I’ve worked as a therapist and I want to encourage you to think a little about whether these stories are yours to tell publicly. We have to work out our feelings about this stuff, but that’s what supervision is for.

by: Sylvia

Sat, 31 May 2008 12:29:14 +0000

Having worked in rape counselling, I have long been in awe of your staying power and ability to keep healing yourself. I can understand why people worry - but I do think you have a powerful argument in that you are still there and still doing it long after many of us have said they can’t go on.

by: Marissa

Fri, 30 May 2008 22:37:10 +0000

I am absolutely horrified that this kind of bullshit still goes on. The rage I feel…I cannot even truly express in words. In fact, I am horrified that this kind of bullshit has EVER gone on in the history of the world.

I wish I was able to do what you do.