H great article — I thought you’d be interested that there was an interview w/the girl from Whale Rider who was shamed for becoming a teen mom. She said she was made to feel like she should be ashamed when she felt like celebrating.

Obviously in her case some people were like “well, at least my tax dollars won’t have to support her kid…”
An equally anti-woman mentality.
I think older parents can be just as bad as younger, honestly.
People are equally damaged and flawed at all ages is what I have seen. People are so flawed. Sometimes age brings new flaws too. And the kid picks up on and internalizes more flaws than any parent wants to believe. My heart is alway with the kids too–because of my observations though I just don’t pity children of young people in any greater proportion to children of older people. I pity all of us because we’re all under the parent’s flawed (if loving) thumb. Every parent really hurts their kis in some way. It’s just going to happen. I still support all parents though. (Old and young.)

With aging I think it’s strange to believe people get better and better or even more and more mature. This is not what I see.
I think at best people get more interesting and more labyrinth-y. But I know so many immature older people! And cynical too. Shoot. How is that good for a kid’s psyche? When I was younger I dealt with less depression because I had, cumulatively, less trauma. There are plenty of people who never emotionally mature. What’s that saying “Age is inevitable but you can stay immature indefinitely…” ha I think, knowing myself, I would have been a good parent at 23 and I’d be a good one at 33 (now). I think I’d be a good one at 43 too. I don’t think I’d be “best” at 43, I’d just be myself–some things would be better about me and some worse. I’d hurt my kid no matter what though, because you just will do that as a parent. I should say, as a human.

The only thing better about older parents is that they generally have more financial resources - not necessarily more help though, because the older you get the less people will be inclined or feel a desire to help you even if you need it. (And plenty of older parents DO actually need help in all sorts of ways. )

I think my mom was a good parent to me in her 20s and overall and ultimately I don’t think she’s much different now than she ever was re parenting. She’s the same person. She never used substances but she had bad partners. I guess it depends on what a person thinks of as “bad” or the worst in terms of what you expose your kid to via your own defunct-ness. My one friend, her mom had her at 30 and she became a heroin addict at that late stage, and she had several kids. So …it’s weird. People have issues and develop codependency/addiction issues at all ages.

Are some teen moms great moms? Yes. My friend Andi is a great example, and so is my friend Kia. But most teenagers are not ready to be parents, not capable of being good ones. And my heart will always be with the children: they are the ones who suffer most from shitty parenting. It is not enough that a child be wanted: plenty of bad parents want their kids.

Also, while women in their early 20s are physically in a great place to have children, teenage women are not.

You point out a lot of the social disadvantages that teen parents have. Regardless of the genesis of those disadvantages, they are real and they affect the children in question. If those disadvantages didn’t exist, would things be different for the children of teen parents? Yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that those disadvantages do exist and should be taken into account. When those disadvantages no longer exist, my tune might change. You want to proceed as though those disadvantages are already gone, and that does children a grave disservice.

Also, I think it is ridiculous bordering on stupid to think that social disapproval of teen parenting is based on the envy of infertile older people. You are too smart for this.

My pregnancy was unplanned and I was unlucky enough to experience a significant post-natal psychosis, which was put down to “inexperienced teen” until it became life threatening.

My Foster daughter had an emergency caesarian after well over an hour in second stage labour, as the consultant had spent every antenatal consultation lecturing her about her disrupted education and had not bothered to consider the head size of her 10lb 9oz baby!

Both our children are growing well and lovingly supported. We have both now contributed significantly more in taxation than we ever recieved in child care as teens - but for my son at least, a long period of avoidable significant harm was caused by assuming (then ignoring) my incompetance was due to my age!

As a high school teacher in a city school I’ve been really struck by the fact that for many of my students, having children was a tremendous personal blessing even without social support. I wish those kids had daycare at the school, so they didn’t have to miss first period or leave a 3-year-old in a counselor’s office while they finished a presentation during finals week.

It doesn’t make the ad any better, but it’s what I got from it.