Pure As the Driven Slush: Heather Corinna's Journal and Diary, Online since 1999

Archive for February 26th, 2013

Tuesday, February 26th, 2013

When the going gets tough, the tough (or not-so-tough) — me, in this case — recently employ some of the following coping mechanisms:

  • Bounce it out. I found a cheap mini-trampoline for my office a few months ago, and the ability to just jump over for bouncing is DREAMY.
  • Watch Harold and Maude for the 578th time.  When I was younger, I said I wanted to be Maude when I grew up.  Methinks this was something of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
  • Play with the puppy.  Particularly since he demands it anyway.
  • Walk around the house with weird stuff piled on their head like they’re attending a five-year-old’s tea party.
  • Breathe. Then they get annoyed and think it’s silly. Then they make oneself do it again until it’s clear it’s not even remotely silly. Especially when you are not breathing and would like to stay alive.
  • Put cucumbers in the water.  Because it’s pretty. And also tasty.
  • Recall the conversation I had with a user the other day who asked, in utter earnestness, if sex was or wasn’t supposed to be better than snickerdoodles. (“Why choose?” I thought.)
  • Look at the picture of themselves looking all open, perky and mighty at the tender age of eight, and think, “What would she do?”
  • Note that the comfy chair is begging for one’s ass, while the office chair wants a damn break.
  • Take a bath.  On that note, I’m trying to bring, “Go soak your head!” back into vogue.  Please help if you can.
  • Sing Todd Snider’s “Beer Run.” Loudly. Oh, so very loudly.
  • Stretch it all the fuck out. ALL the fuck out. No halfsies.
  • Remember that your state has recently legalized marijuana. Even if you don’t have any, just the mere thought of this now-real-thing remains quite constantly pleasant.
  • Dream of being in the forest—OH WAIT. You LIVE in the forest!  Go out into the forest, you silly ninny, you.
  • Check out all the awesome people you love who love you right back.  You can just think about them, you can call them, and if they can see you, you can even click your tongue and wink at’em, all suave-like.
  • Remind yourself of two of your old high school friends you saw recently and remember them in the dive bar when you did, loudly singing “Let’s Dance” as a collective Elmer Fudd.
  • Spit like you mean it.
  • Remember that you grew up into exactly the kind of person you wanted to be.  You just didn’t imagine the annoying or frustrating parts, that’s all.